Interactive Akatsuki Valentine
by dead drifter
Summary: No more submissions, please! This story is no longer interactive, so sit back and enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**EDIT: NO MORE SUBMISSIONS. Valentine submissions after the 40th review will be ignored. This was meant to be a fun, short little treat for YOU. Sit back and enjoy the story!**

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, EVERYONE!!!

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

To Kakuzu:

_One heart is not enough_

_To hold all my love for you_

_One heart is not enough_

_To contain the joy I feel_

_One heart is not enough_

_To feel the way I do_

_One heart is not enough_

_To give you everlasting life_

_But is one heart enough_

_To love you, through and through?_

_Love your devoted fan,_

_Jen._

_P.S. I hope you like the heart. It's from Kakashi._

_---_

Kakuzu read the card aloud while the rest of the Akatsuki laughed.

"Oh my fucking Jashin, that is hilarious! Do you really think that's Kakashi's heart?" Hidan asked, pointing at the bloody organ in a box Kimimaro the UPS man had handed them earlier. Kakuzu glared viciously at the box, then back to the glittery, hand drawn card in his hand. Pein looked up from his own valentine's day card.

"Now send her something nice in return," Pein said. Kakuzu felt his blood pressure rising, but he sat down at the kitchen table, which had become the official Valentine's Day card making station, and Konan handed Kakuzu some pretty pink cardstock and a gold leaf pen.

"Have fun! And be nice! Because of her, you've gotten laid a LOT recently!"

Kakuzu sweat dropped.

"Fine."

Kakuzu hastily made a card and scratched something in it. He grabbed a heart shaped box from the big tote of miscellaneous candy Pein had supplied, and got up.

"There. Now can I go relieve my frustration by ripping Hidan's body to pieces?" Kakuzu snarled. Pein nodded and Kakuzu grabbed Hidan and tossed him over his shoulder and stomped off, Hidan kicking and screaming and cursing the whole way.

---

To Jen:

_Sasori's hair is red_

_Kisame's skin is blue_

_I have five hearts_

_And they all beat just for you_

_Love Kakuzu_

_P.S. Hope you enjoy the irony of the heart shaped candy. Tobi ate some of them. Sorry._


	2. Chapter 2

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 2: For Lauren**

**Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto. Sasori's poem is inspired by "All Because of You" by Alyssa.**

**A/N: I forgot to give Purplewolfstar35 (Lauren, who is featured in this chapter) credit for the poem Kakuzu wrote to me in the previous chapter. The first two lines are from her. The poem originally was:**

**Sasori's hair is red**

**Kisame's skin is blue**

**Itachi is blind**

**And so are you!**

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_Dear Sasori,  
I...love you. Plain and simple puppet man, and I don't even CARE if you're  
wooden. You can get high off of Pledge as much as you'd like...because I love  
YOU and all your features and quirks! You're red hair...beautiful eyes...and  
sexy sexy body/ Happy Valentine's Day Sori-kun... _

Love Always,  
Lauren

P.S. XOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXO 

---

Sasori sighed and sniffed, weeping Pledge. He'd had the sense to flee upstairs to his closet before anyone could force him to read his letter aloud. Sasori grabbed one of his special hand made cards (which were made of acid free paper, so that they would last longer) and a calligraphy pen, and set to work on Lauren's valentine.

---

_Sweet Lauren, _

_I am often put down for the choices I have made, and scoffed at by others. But you understand me, and I love you for it. I cannot wish to properly describe how moved I am by your professed love for me and my body, taking in all of my faults with open arms. _

_Because you said one thing _

_I could wipe away my tears_

_Because you said it true_

_I could conquer my fears_

_Because you made me smile_

_I could live again_

_Because you said 'I love you'_

_I could love you too _

_--Akasuna no Sasori_

_P.S. Please enjoy the Tenten Kunoichi Barbie doll and the bouquet of roses. They are in the exact shade of color as my hair. Zetsu bred them especially for me. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 3: Garden of Eden**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, but I do own the poem. **

**A/N: The fact that your name is Eden and you picked Zetsu was TOO perfect. I had to write a garden poem! XP**

**Once again: PHEAR MAH POETRY SKILLZ! MWA HA HA HA!!! **

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_Dear Zetsu-san,  
Roses are red  
Violets are blue  
human flesh is sweet  
but not as sweet as you  
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox  
from your biggest fan Eden!_

P.S. Hope you enjoy the dead body, hope it didn't rot during the delivery

---

Zetsu sat in his giant terra cotta pot in the corner of the living room, looking like the world's most vicious humanoid house plant. A card, half black and half white with a big pink heart in the middle, sat in front of him on a snack tray Kakuzu found in the garbage the other day. Zetsu also had a box of Crayola washable markers before him. Tobi had pulled all of the tops off so Zetsu could have an easier time. He clamped a red one in his teeth and began to write

---

_Beloved Eden, thank you for the corpse. It was delicious. I do not mind the rot, it is like finely aged cheese to me. Of course, it gave me foul breath. I have enclosed a vial of my seed that you may cherish or use as you please. _

_O Eden let me take you down the path_

_And walk upon the grass of gardens green_

_We'll kiss beneath the bowing arms of trees_

_And laugh amongst the blossoms red as blood_

_Of love and life and growing things we'll talk_

_Until the sun gives leave, and darkness falls_

_My love for you shall never cease to be_

_Even when the sleep of winter calls. _

_May the sun always shine, and the rain always quench your thirst, _

_Zetsu. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 4: Gir**

**Disclaimer: Blah. See previous chapter. Sour Patch Kids is a gummy candy, in case some of you don't know. :P**

**A/N: Remember, deadline to submit your valentine is midnight, Eastern Standard Time! XD**

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_Dear Hidan, _

i fucking love you! i love to kill people too!! it's fun!! especially when they scream for mercy!! and i even eat some of them!! i know your probably really freaked out by now but be warned...some day you WILL be mine...i swear to Jashin you will be...

Much Mass Murdering Love,  
Gir

p.s. i hope you like the severed arm and bag of blood!! i sacrificed that one especially for you!! 

---

Hidan finished reading the card and stared blankly at the others. Itachi was holding the bag of blood but the severed arm was not there. Tobi had run off into the backyard with it, giving the poor thing a proper burial while Zetsu supervised.

"Your fans are scary," Kisame said hollowly, his blue face turning green at the sight of the blood. Hidan just rolled his eyes.

"Give me that!" he snapped, wrenching the bag of blood from Itachi's hand and taking it upstairs so he could pour it in his giant cauldron. The blood had the distinctive scent of virgins, and Hidan's heart swelled. How thoughtful, to give him virgin blood!

Hidan didn't like using the fancy heathen machine made paper, so he grabbed some cards from his underwear drawer that looked like they were made out of parchment, but in fact, was human skin, as well as a bottle of blood for ink and a quill (plucked from a virgin turkey of course) and started to write.

---

_Dearest Gir, let's you and I purge this world of its corruption and sin, one virgin sacrifice at a time! I am sending a box of Sour Patch Konoha Kids…Itachi likes them. He usually plucks out all the Sasuke ones and bites their heads off. _

_I want to kiss your tears of blood _

_Oh, the bliss of the flower bud!_

_I can't fucking write poetry. Happy Fucking Valentine's Day, Gir!_

_Love, _

_Hidan _


	5. Chapter 5

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 4: Black Widow**

**Disclaimer: Blah blah blah. The line 'let me crash upon your shore' is from the beautiful song 'Orinoco Flow' by Enya. I LOVE Enya. Yes, I'm lame sometimes. **

**A/N: Konan, Pein and Tobi need love too! **

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_Dear Kisame,  
I love a man with a big weapon,  
My favorite color is blue,  
I think we'd make a hot couple,  
I want to f#$k you!  
Happy Valentine's Day!  
black55widow_

---

"S-she what?" Kisame stuttered as Itachi read the card out loud to the others.

"She wants to fuck you," Itachi answered him coldly, glaring at the glitter he'd gotten on his hands from handling the card, which was blue and had a cut out picture of a nude shark man from Sea Sex magazine pasted inside it.

"But why? I'm…I'm…"

"A sexy bitch," Pein said, looking up from yet another valentine (someone send him one, PLEASE!).

"Ah…okay…" Kisame muttered, shuffling away from the leader.

"Sit down and make her a card," Konan prompted, gesturing to the kitchen table. Kisame sat down, his face a deep shade of blue violet. Itachi slipped the card in his cloak, planning on drooling over it later.

---

_O Black Widow, let me crash upon your shore. _

_We'll sail the seven seas, _

_For all eternity, _

_I'll love you forever more, _

_And shout your name in the salty breeze. _

_Love, _

_Kisame. _

---

"That is the worst poem I've ever seen, un," Deidara said, snorting into his hand. Kisame blushed and snatched the card away and taped a shark teeth necklace to the inside of it, then threw it in the pile of finished Valentines.


	6. Chapter 6

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 6: Hana **

**Disclaimer: BLAH! The poem is NOT mine. It's from a poem I found online. The author is anonymous. **

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_Dear Deidara-kun, _

Happy Valentine's Day! As creepy as it sounds, you may not know me, but I know you. You're my favorite Akatsuki member, and you're spontanious as hell, and that's what makes you so...you. I don't think very many people appreciate your art, but I think it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my fourteen years of age, and I want to die just like you someday, within the next couple years when I've tired of life. Of course, life is art, too - such a strong burst of experience and emotion in one short moment - so right now, I'm not taking anything for granted. You have an explosive personality and if Sasori doesn't have dibs on you for February 14th, may I? Just for one day. And if you decline, I'll still be content with a letter back - you don't have to make it as long as mine.  
I didn't feel like writing you a poem - it would be too long and mushy, however, I did send along a homemade box of fireworks - they're not exactly art, but they come in beautiful colors, and I'm a pyro in training, so they should be quite effective. I suggest you watch them with someone you care about - it will make for an amazing Valentine's lightshow.  
(I also apologize for not being able to send you some Hot Cheatos and Mountain Dew. But that would be two gifts, and Jen-chan says only one, and since one isn't complete without the other, I went with something a little more creative.)  
I also apologize if this is too long or deep for your liking...I'm not sure your attention span will allow it, but please, try to make it through the rest of the letter.  
I love you, Deidara-kun. You'll always be a work of art to me. Ha. But really, I hope you have the most wonderful Valentine's Day you've ever had...party it up with Akatsuki and such...a reply would be nice, but a gift is not needed, unless you want to send me one.

Hana-chan 

---

Deidara wiped at his eyes, which had crossed as he forced himself to read the entire letter without dying from the shock of having to read something so long.

"Un…it's finally over."

"Wow, I've never seen a thirty page card before," Kisame said. Indeed, the florid pink card had a table of contents and everything.

"Un."

"Ooh, Deidara-Senpai, can I have a pretty candle?"

Deidara's eyes bugged when he saw Tobi grab one of the homemade fireworks. Everyone in the room exchanged nervous looks, except Itachi, who was sort of off in Sharingan La La Land at the moment.

"GET AWAY FROM THEM, TOBI! NUUU! UN!"

---

_Dear Hana-chan, _

_I love you so much_

_You can never understand_

_I'll be with you forever_

_Just promise to hold my hand _

_I didn't write that, un. I found it in Itachi's dairy. Who knows who he wrote it for. Probably his 'foolish little brother,' un. _

_Anyway, thank you for the fireworks. Tobi blew up some of them, but I managed to save the rest. Danna said they were rather nice, un. _

_Love your beloved artist, _

_Deidara. _

_---_

Deidara also included a clay raccoon with a heart on its chest (which was really just a timer), and was sure to pack it in a box himself.


	7. Chapter 7

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 7: Spyder**

**A/N: No poem this time, I can't think! **

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_To: The great Sharkman Hottie!_

_  
Kisame, you know, you rock my world, heart and soul!  
Because of me stalking you every minute, I'm now on parole!  
But my love for you is undying and true!  
You are one sexy beast and your skin colors blue!  
You told me to stop sending you gifts because you had enough!  
I'm sorry in your bed I was forceful and rough!  
I will quit sending you pictures of us getting married!  
Just don't tell anyone of the peoples bodies I barried!  
You said I was crazy and should be in a facitlity!  
I have no idea why with you, why I carry all this hostility!  
Why can't you just see it's because of my love for you?  
Your love to me, is all the hell you seem put me through!  
But I will forgive you and in a short time you I'll be seeing  
Because right now I'm on house arrest and I am illegally fleeing!  
I want to be with you forever and we'll die together one day!  
So I just want to say!  
I'm coming to see you this fucking Valentines Day!  
Love your #1 FanGirl Spyder! XD :P_

---

Kisame sweat dropped. Deidara was on the floor, rolling around and clasping his belly, gasping for air. Kakuzu was laughing so hard he snapped his stitches and his jaw nearly fell off. Pein gave a small chuckle from his Valentine themed crossword puzzle.

"And I thought _my_ fangirls were psycho, un!"

"If she steps a foot inside this house, I'm calling the cops," Konan said, crossing her arms.

"A fangirl massacre…is in order," Itachi said quietly. Kisame may have been shocked by the poem, but he certainly didn't want anyone to die.

"Uh, no, Itachi-san, I think it'll be okay. It's just a card."

---

_Dear Spyder, _

_Please don't violate your parole for little ole me. Just stay home, where you will be safe. I'm afraid that Itachi is getting jealous of all of my Valentine cards, and may do something violent if you show up at the house. I hope you enjoy the toy Samehada and the kissing fish I'm sending. There were two, but Hidan sacrificed Sally to Jashin, and I fear for Bill's life. I hope you take good care of Bill. Maybe you could get him a girlfriend?_

_I love you more than surfboarding, _

_Kisame. _

_P.S. Thanks for the necklaces and the speedo. Itachi told me to put them on. I'm not sure what he has planned on Valentine's Day, but as long as it doesn't involve a fangirl massacre, I'm all for it. _


	8. Chapter 8

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 8: Ruby **

**A/N: I wrote the poem, it's a cinquain, look it up, bitches! It sucks, but rubies are pretty. :P I seriously didn't feel like incorporating the responses to the Valentine, so it's just the Valentines themselves. Hope you don't mind, Ruby! May Jashin bless you! Or curse you, whatever the hell he does…**

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_-Hidan,_

You amaze me. Since the day I saw you... You're the only person I see when I close my eyes, the only one I want to be with. Your unique and beautiful violet eyes entice me as does the rest of you. I don't care that you are a follower of Jashin, I even support you. If anything your rituals excite me.

Hidan, these words I write are from my heart. You make me weak. There's so much passion I have for you. I want to hold you, caress you, protect you, forever. I ache for you.

You may not feel the same way, and I hope to someday demonstrate my love for you physicly. For now, Happy Valentine's Day, my love.

-Love,  
Ruby

P.S. I've enclosed a stainless steel dagger, the hilt white gold, embroidered with rubies (so that you'll remember my name).

---

_Ruby, will you be my Valentine? When I hear your name, and look at your lovely gift, I think of this precious gem. _

_Ruby_

_Crimson crystal_

_Shimmering like spilled blood _

_Sparking thoughts of dark ritual_

_Scarlet_

_I have sent you holy water. Sprinkle some in your salad, and that green leafy shit will turn into a great fat steak, medium rare. _

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo_

_Hidan_


	9. Chapter 9

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 9: Suzy **

**Disclaimer: Suzy didn't write the song, okay, don't sue! And the song "O Suzy Q" is by…I don't know who wrote it first, but it's a good song. I think I've only heard the version by Creedence Clearwater Revival. (dances)**

**A/N: It's 11:00 EST, only one hour left to submit a Valentine! 3 **

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_"A poem:  
"I like the way you always smile,  
I like the way you got four tongues,  
I like the way you never cry,  
I like the way that you are you._

I'd love for you to be just mine,  
That they say you're weird don't bother me,  
So I hope that you, far away in the Akatsuki,  
Can hear me say, I love you"

and a song:  
"Hey there Deidara

Hey there Deidara.  
What's it like in The Akatsuki?  
I'm a thousand miles away  
But boy tonight you look so pretty  
Yes you do  
Explotions can't shine as bright as you  
I swear it's true

Hey there Deidara  
Don't you worry 'bout the distance  
I'm right there if you get lonely  
Give this poem another reading  
Close your eyes  
Just read my words it's my disguise  
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me  
Oh it's what you do to me  
Oh it's what you do to me  
Oh it's what you do to me  
What you do to me

Hey there Deidara  
I know times are getting hard  
But just believe me boy  
Someday you'll gett out of Akatsuki  
We'll have it good  
We'll have the life we knew we would  
My word is good

Hey there Deidara  
I've got so much left to write  
If every simple poem I wrote to you  
Would take your breath away  
I'd write it all  
Even more in love with me you'd fall  
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me  
Oh it's what you do to me  
Oh it's what you do to me  
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far  
But they've got planes and trains and cars  
I'd walk to you if I had no other way  
your friends would all make fun of us  
and we'll just laugh along because we know  
That none of them have felt this way  
Deidara I can promise you  
That by the time we get through  
The world will never ever be the same  
And you're to blame

Hey there Deidara  
You be good and don't you miss me  
Two more years and you'll be done with Akatsuki  
And I'll be making stories like I do  
You know it's all because of you  
We can do whatever we want to  
Hey there Deidara here's to you  
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me  
Oh it's what you do to me  
Oh it's what you do to me  
Oh it's what you do to me  
What you do to me.

Oh oh  
Oh  
Oh oh  
Oh  
Oh Oh  
Oh  
Oh  
Oh Oh "

with love,

Suzy

ps. I'd love to gett your scope!"  


_---_

Deidara quickly thought of what he should do. He didn't really want to give up his eyescope, but Pein insisted, and so Deidara begrudgingly set it in the box for Suzy. He also threw a handful of (prelicked) Hershey's kisses and decided to write her a song back.

---

_O Suzy, thanks for the song and the poem, un. Did you know there is a song written for you? Danna told me about it. He's old, so he knows all the oldschool rock, un. _

_Oh__Suzie Q  
Oh__Suzie Q  
Oh__Suzie Q__Baby__I love you  
Suzie Q_

I like the way you walk  
I like the way you talk  
I like the way you walk_I like the way you talk  
Suzie Q_

Oh_say that youll be true  
Oh__say that youll be true  
Oh__say that youll be true and never leave me blue  
Suzie Q_

Oh_say that youll be mine  
Oh__say that youll be mine  
Oh__say that youll be mine__Baby__all the time  
Suzie Q_

Oh, Suzie Q  
Oh, Suzie Q  
Oh, Suzie Q, Baby, I love you  
Suzie Q

I like the way you walk   
I like the way you talk  
I like the way you walk, I like the way you talk  
Suzie Q

Oh, Suzie Q  
Oh, Suzie Q  
Oh, Suzie Q, Baby, I love you  
Suzie Q

_Happy Valentine's Day, un. Enjoy the kisses. My hands licked some of them, hope that's okay, un. _

_-Deidara _


	10. Chapter 10

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 10: Adell**

**A/N: I am a crappy poetry writer! This time, it's an acrostic. A really bad one, but yeah. **

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_To Hidan, _

My love for you is precious like gold,  
I will be your eternal one,  
Even until we get old,  
Look at this silly poem I've done,  
So be kind please to me,  
And be my valentines to be.

From Adell.

PS. I hope you like the weapons Ive sent you. 

_---_

_Dear Adell, I will cherish those weapons forever. However, like the undead, I do not age. If I could, I would take you down the path of immortality with me. Enjoy the emergency hair care repair kit I sent you. _

_Always shall I love you_

_Despair not in my arms_

_Eternal kisses on your lips_

_Loving caresses on your skin and _

_Longing in my heart _

_-Hidan _


	11. Chapter 11

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 11: War God Akatsuki**

**A/N: What, am I supposed to say something? Um…enjoy, WGA! And nu, I can't go on a date with Kakuzu! I'd rather watch him date some guy (preferably from the Akatsuki) and take pictures from the bushes! **

luuuuuuuuuuv

_Dear Hidan,  
Happy Valentines Day. You know, I always had a crush on you. I told not a single soul about it. Thank Jashin-sama doesn't know about it either. I know you like collecting decapitated heads so I got you one. It's kinda Adolf Hitler's head, preserved in Jashin's holy water. I had it more than fifty years ago so it's preserved really well. Oh, yeah. Tell Kakuzu to bring Jen on a date. If he doesn't, he'll have a one way ticket to the Teletubbies dimension! _

P.S. I had to dig every graveyard in Germany at night to find it. Plus slaying hundereds of zombies with a shovel. shifty eyes What!? I forgot Talatsu! I smelled like mud and rotten flesh after that but it was worth it. Luckily I took a bath when I got back to the (Jashin) cathedral.

-War God Akatsuki

Poem:  
I fing like you  
But I don't know what to do  
You take Jashinism seriously  
And I do to  
I can't take it anymore!  
Now I really wanna say "I love you!"  
There, I said it  
I threw my pride as a war god away  
And bow my head low  
I can take harshest rejection  
Because what you fell is what I want to know

_---_

_Dear WGA, _

_I put the Hitler head on the shelf_

_High above my bed _

_It keeps away the rapists_

_And its mustache frightens Sadists_

_I love you long time for this gift_

_I'll cherish it forever_

_Next year send me your head, _

_So I can kiss that every night instead_

_Lots of hugs and bloody kisses, _

_Hidan _


	12. Chapter 12

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 12: Tara**

**A/N: Itachi wrote a Haiku. :P **

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_Dear Itachi,_

_I'm not a very romantic person  
Or very caring at all  
Secretly inside you turn me on  
And if my friends heard that me they would (try to)maul  
You never cared at all  
And you won't after this I assume  
But me here with your brother against a wall  
He's gonna escape sometime soon  
So I hope you'll accept this gift of his left eye  
To understand that I love you._

_The girl given your name as a nickname,  
Tara_

_PS) It's only his left because he wouldn't stay still. But I'm pretty sure that you would want to get at least one by yourself._

_Can I have a puppy? And I don't mean one of those little extremely cute puppys. I want a Pit Bull or a Rottweiler. If not one of those that I'll gladly take one of his crows_

_---_

_Foolish little Tara,_

_Thank you for the eye. Now I am only half blind. Please enjoy the pit bull puppy I made Kisame steal from the neighbors down the street. Keep in mind that the dog is now mortally afraid of fish and the color blue._

_Foolish brother's eye_

_Let's me see your beauty true_

_Happy sight indeed._

_Your beloved mass murderer,_

_Itachi._


	13. Chapter 13

**Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 13: Jess**

**Disclaimer: Naruto don't own it blah blah blah. The line about being naked sittin' in a bean bag chair eatin' Cheetos is from the comedic genius that is Ron White, part of the Blue Collar group…thingie. Un! **

**A/N: Well, I have to say it again: PHEAR MAH POETRY SKILLZ! When I'm done with all these Valentines, I'm going to go drown myself in a vat of chocolate that the Akatsuki keep in the basement. **

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_Dear Deidara,  
People say you're girly,  
But no one sees what I see,  
You're handsome really.  
You have the key to my heart,  
I've loved you from the start. _

Jess

P.S. Enjoy the bag of Cheetos. 

-

Deidara sat naked in a bean bag chair eating Cheetos in his room. He'd taken a shower after getting covered in Zetsu's seed (don't ask) and was taking the opportunity alone to read his Valentines in private. He chuckled at the card from the girl who was nice enough to get him his favorite chips, and then began to write a card in return.

-

_Thank you for the munchies! I sent you some baby teeth from my hands and a bouquet of exploding snapdragons. Hope you like them, they're the same color as my eyes, un! I shall forever think of you whenever I eat Cheetos. I'm naked as I write this, I hope you enjoy the poem, un!_

_If the sun should no longer shine_

_And the rain quench not my thirst_

_If the wind denies me breath_

_And the stars above me burst_

_Should the ground give way to my feet_

_And I plummet into the void of Time_

_I shall love you still_

_Will you be my Valentine?_

_Love you lots, _

_Deidara. _


	14. Chapter 14

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 14: Jasmine **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto. The poem is by Lisa Cannons from It is NOT my work. I changed a few words from 'flying' to 'swimming.' Don't sue!**

**A/N: I wanna fucking be DONE already! I have Akatsuki bootcamp ideas in my head, and crack on my brain! **

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_Dear Kisame,_

Ocean blue,  
night sky dark,  
and looming over head.  
Confusing thoughts make a girl unsure of everything.  
Would you take me as I am?  
Will you really care about me?  
I wonder if you will.

Before the dawn rises,  
this day becomes no more,  
I wish you the love of the world,  
but mine most of all.  
Happy Valentines day, Kisame!

Love, Jasmine

PS: Please DO NOT READ THIS TO ANYONE!

---

_Jasmine, _

_Together  
we swam through the ocean  
anything seemed possible___

_Our dreams shared reality  
Jasmine- scented thoughts  
breathing passion as air  
the wind embracing us___

_Sharing laughter -  
Love  
Souls became one___

_Dreams -  
Brittle as ice  
shatter and liquefy  
drying to oblivion___

_Plummeting t'wards the abyss  
Screaming our anguished  
Blood- stained thoughts  
a dagger thrust into our essence.___

_Each of us  
holding a part of the other___

_Even now, the ache lingers -___

_ I wish we had never swam._

_Love your youthful blue beast, _

_Kisame. _


	15. Chapter 15

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 15: Alex**

**Disclaimer: Poem is NOT mine! It belongs to Allison Chambers Coxsey. **

**A/N: Hidan, Kisame and Deidara have way too many fans. I should write a KisaHiDei just to see how you all react…OMG can you imagine the amount of blood and drool those three could cook up? Damn it Yaoi thoughts go away! **

**luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv**

_Dear Hidan,  
Iv'e loved you since I met you and I still wish I could have a chance to kiss you. Don't think me crazy but I made you a poem.It's called blood and sacrifice._

Blood falls apon this earth today,  
People cry all in dismay,  
I blush a little the words in red,  
A bit of blood had soaked my head,  
I gulped and looked into your eyes,  
A devilish look no one could dispise  
I was more frightened than mice,  
As you looked apon my sacrifice,  
I made this pendent just for you,  
Hoped you like it it's hard to do,  
With the pendent and sacrifice for you I wrote words in red,  
I love you Hidan is that enough said,

Hope you like the new Jashin pendent and the sacricial body!  
Love,  
Alex

_---_

_Thank you for the sacrificial body and the pendant. Kakuzu broke my pendant the other day when he…uh…never mind. In return, sweet Alex, I give you a heart shaped locket with a lock of my hair inside. _

_The sacrifice of love we give,  
Takes less and yet gives more;  
An everlasting hand of love,  
The heart an open door._

The willingness to give of self,  
To lay down your own life;  
To touch another person's heart,  
In loving sacrifice.

A chance that God has given you,  
To reach another soul;  
Forever changed by kindness,  
A life your love made whole.

For life is but a circle,  
Each life part of the chain;  
Each link is joined by sacrifice,  
That causes man to change.

To turn and reach a hand of love,  
To touch another's life;  
Will cause the circle to be whole,  
In loving sacrifice. 

_-Hidan _


	16. Chapter 16

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 16: Ivi **

**Disclaimer: Poem is hacked from nenia unknown at poemhunterdotcom. **

**luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv**

_Dear Kisame, _

Roses are red,  
You are blue,  
So I made these treats,  
Espeacially for you!

Love, Ivi

P.S.- I hope you like the chocolate! Please give some of the dango to Itachi.  


---

_Thank you for the chocolate! And Itachi gets jealous when I receive gifts and he doesn't, so thank you also for sending him dango! He's rather addicted to the stuff…_

_I am sending a limited edition set of Seven Shinobi Swordsmen of the Hidden Mist Cards (SSSHM), they're very expensive, and one of them features me. I signed mine just for you!_

_A grain of sand on the beach  
A drop of salt in the ocean  
A love so vast in a world so small  
A tiny twinkle in the sky of a universe so large  
Waves from across the miles crash onto my shore  
My heart belongs to the sea, and that sea is you. _

_-Kisame _


	17. Chapter 17

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 17: Emmy**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto. **

**A/N: Um, Yaoi alert! Not graphic, just suggestive material. I guess. Poem I wrote is from online somewhere…I forgot…it's to the tune of 'twinkle twinkle littler star.' **

**For Emmy-Danna**

**Happy V Day**

**Your poem is beautiful**

**That's all I can say! **

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_Dear Deidara,_

Your extra mouths, your will to die,  
A true work of art, it makes me want to cry,  
You are the definition of evanescent beauty,  
Writing this I feel is my duty.

You are unique, and no artist could capture,  
How I feel in this moment, this sweet rapture,  
Every moment, every hour is ever fleeting,  
My heart fluttering after every imagined meeting.

This love has no chains, no hold on me,  
I feel as if I'm soaring, flying free,  
If I didn't need it, I'd give you my heart,  
So that we were never truly apart.

Though this distance takes its toll,  
I have no more doubt about my role,  
Too long have we played the part of the fool,  
If we came together we could surely rule,  
The world and all within,  
Who could have thought that through sin,  
The answer to those empty words I sang,  
So, here's to you Deidara, art is a bang!

_  
-__Love Emmy xxx_

_  
P.S. I hope you like the chocolates. They're shaped like birdies because hearts a little too cliché and I figured you'd appreciate birds more. _

_Oh, and I got Sasori a can of Pledge. I'm sure both of you will enjoy THAT. _

---

Deidara read the card and turned to look at Sasori, who was reclining naked in their bed, a purple velvet blanket draped over his hips. Deidara himself was wearing lacy lingerie and thigh high stockings, a present from another fangirl. Deidara shook the can of Pledge Emmy had sent at the puppet master, and the red head licked his lips.

"Don't pull anything yet, Danna, un! I have to finish writing my Valentine card first!"

Sasori lunged at Deidara, and there was much creaking of the bed, slippery smacking of lips and spraying of Pledge…

---

_Emmy, thank you for the gifts, un. Danna and I just…finished enjoying them. I hope you don't mind that this card smells rather like cum and lemons. In return for the arousing chocolate and Pledge, I'm sending you the video tape we just made. Don't make any copies, I'll get in trouble, un. Kakuzu doesn't like it when we give away Yaoi tapes for free. _

_Here's a special trick I know  
When I'm sad and scared to go.  
Take my hand and kiss it here.  
This kiss from you, I will hold dear.  
Down my a hand and up my arm,  
Into my heart the kiss goes on._

_xoxoxo_

_Deidara _


	18. Chapter 18

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 18: Ross**

**Disclaimer: Own nothing. The poem "Eternal Love" is by BL Johnson. **

**Someone already said they gave Itachi one of Sasuke's eyes, but we'll just ignore that, un:P **

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_Dear Itachi,_

You are the most handsome ninja in the entire world. I don't care about your past; I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you. Your flawless body, your cold façade, your exquisite battle skills, everything about you is perfection. My love for you burns hotter than the fires of Hell! What I would give to be trapped forever with you in the Tsukuyomi where time means nothing. Please be my Valentine!

Love,  
Ross

_PS I didn't know what to give you, so I sent your little brother's eyes on ice. I hope they help you accomplish all of your goals._

---

_Thank you for the eyes. Now, I can clearly see, and the first image that comes to me is your exquisite beauty. _

_A lake that sets my heart a blaze_

_Like lovers lost in a distant gaze._

_Eternal souls that have no name_

_Drawn together like moth to a flame._

_An unspoken love that could never be seen _

_Unites two hearts with only a dream._

_A love forbidden by lifes cruel fate_

_Longs for the kiss of its one true mate._

_A destined encounter which never took place _

_Condemned our love and left no trace. _

_A bond once blessed and worshipped from afar _

_Can no longer be seen but written in the stars._

_-Itachi _


	19. Chapter 19

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 19: Haku**

**Disclaimer: Own nothing. Poem is "Ocean" by **_**XAngelX **_**on netpoetsdotcom.**

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

Kisame beamed at the Finding Nemo themed Valentine's Day card he got, and munched on the goldfish crackers that came with it. Then, he started to write:

---

_Dear Haku, _

_Thank you for the goldfish. They are my favorite, how did you know? In return, I'll let you have a few 'scales' from my Samehada. Oh, and Deidara wants me to include a small cat figurine he made out of clay. The non explosive kind, he tells me, but he's been known to lie before. _

_the total selflessness of your love  
washes over me in an aqua blue tropical ocean  
wrapping around me with warm and restive arms  
gently smoothing the rough edges  
with soothing fingers that caress my body into quiet repose_

the sun of your smile kisses my skin  
as it melts the icy depths of my heart  
glistening and shimmering a diamond dance  
upon your waters  
lulling my soul into a deep peace

your voice, the gentle whispers of the wind  
so velvety soft as it rustles my hair  
gliding across my face, to come to rest in my ear

_-Kisame _


	20. Chapter 20

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 20: String**

**Disclaimer: Nothing do I own. Neverending Love is by Pauline Hamblin. **

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_A poem for you, my dearest Hidan. Out of the kindness of my black heart. _

Blood is red  
Sometimes blue  
Heres some Akatsuki voodoo dolls  
Just for you.

I hope you enjoy my specially made voodoo dolls. Oh yeah, the eyes, hair and skin? Thats real. Another 'Oh yeah.' If you leave then in the sunlight for too long they will get sunburned. And if you leave them in the darkness for too long they will go crazy and attack people randomly.

--String-CHAN ( And don't you forget it!)

PS: Even though I do not worship Jashin as much as you do. I LOVE you so much that I have sacrificed my guilty pleasures just for you so that when we fianlly meet, we will be together for ever and ever and ever. Oh yeah. Tell Tobi I will be seeing him in his dreams. He owes me something. Same thing with KakUKE.( Kakuzu, for future reference.) 

_---_

_Dear String-chan, _

_Thank you for the voodoo dolls. I shall use them immediately. _

_Neverending Love _

A greater love I never knew  
Than the love I receive from you  
You have given so much to me  
All your heart you gave for free.

Words to me you say today  
Mean more to me than I can say  
For I know your love is true  
For this my love I thank you.

You know I love you just as much  
I long to feel your gentle touch  
Our love together will be strong  
Enough to last our lifetime long. 

_-Hidan _

_P.S. I sent you some black roses and a cleaning product demon exorcizing kit. For those pesky Windex Demons. _


	21. Chapter 21

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 21: Kellye **

**Disclaimer: Nothing do I own. Emmy-danna wrote Tobi's poem for me. Bless her! She just wants me to finish this story so I can draw/write KakuSasoDei. **

**A/N: THANK YOU FOR SHOWING TOBI SOME LOVE! Zu Zu is Tobi's pet name for Zetsu. **

**In case you can't read it, here's the 'translation' of Tobi's horrible letter:**

_Tobi colored the white half of Zu Zu's body! I wrote 'Tobi was here' and drew vines around his cucumber too! Even though that part's green!_

_Sasori-san spell checked the rest of my letter! _

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_Dear Tobi,_

I love you, Tobi! You're such a good boy, and I love your cute little orange mask. I don't know what to say because this is so embaresing! Oh, did I spell that right? Anyways, Tobi-kun, I hope Deidara's been treating you nicely and letting you play with his Play-do!

I hope you enjoy your new crayons! They're washable, so you should decorate Zetsu! He needs some makeup!

I love you lots,  
Kellye

---

_Hi Kellye Tobi loves you!_

_Tobi collared teh wite haff off Zu Zu,'s buddy! I rote 'Tobi wuz heerr' an drawled vins rond his cocomumber two! Even tho dat parts green!_

_Sassoree-sang spelchekt teh resst off me ledder!_

_Tobi loves his mask too, it's orange and swirly and Hidan-san says it looks like a basketball, and Tobi loves games! I hope you like my card, I colored it with your crayons! I wrote a poem for you! It took me ages! The daisies are from the Forest O Doom behind the house. Grandmother willow let me have them! _

_The sharingan is red_

_Kisame is blue_

_Here are some daisies_

_Cuz Tobi loves you!_

_-Tobi _


	22. Chapter 22

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 22: Anko**

**Disclaimer: Own nothing, I surely don't. **

**Poem is a snippet from "Pain is Love" by Ashley Roseanne Pleasure. Wow, what a last name…I changed all the 'pains' to 'Pein.' Because Pein is a narcissistic bastard. **

**A/N: Yay Pein is shown some love! By Mitarashi Anko of all people! Thanks, Spyder, I appreciate it much! Now I don't have to make up something myself! WOOT!**

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_  
To Pein,  
I am falling head over heels for u! So I wrote you a poem!  
Roses are red,  
Violets are blue,  
I dumped Orochimaru,  
Because I want to fuck all six of U!  
So here's six naked pic's of me in different positions u know just hand them out to yourself and enjoy! Oh, yah I have a webcam so if you ever want to see me in action I'm at sexyproctor69Konoharocks.wow Feel free to join me you Sex God! _

_-Anko_

_---_

_Pein hastly grabbed the card with the nudy pictures and ran upstairs to the attic. After riding the 'Pein Train' for a while (why did I never think of that before?), Pein wrote Anko a valentine back. _

_---_

_Anko, _

_You are as sweet as the food you are named after. If Konan finds you, please don't worry. I am God. I can bring you back to life. Enclosed in this envelope are pictures of the infamous 'Pein Chain.' Pony Tail, poor thing, is ALWAYS uke. Some people call him Dein. _

_Pein is heartache,  
Pein is an emotional heart break.  
Pein is a roller coaster.  
That is filled with twists, turns, and hills.  
Pein is an emotional medication.  
Best taken if it were a pill.  
Pein is love._

_-Pein_

_-Pein_

_-Pein_

_-Pein_

_-Pein_

_-Pein_


	23. Chapter 23

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 23: Shikirou **

**Disclaimer: Own nothing, I surely don't. **

**A/N: Deidara again. It's hard to keep coming up with stuff for him to say. I'm almost done though, woot! Yes, I think I have carpal tunnel syndrome now…**

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_  
Dear Deidara,_

I adore you! I love you as much as I love your art. But unlike your art, I hope our love lasts eternity and is the greatest art of all. Have a great Valentine's Day! I love you

Love,  
Shikirou

P.S: I thought hard about what to give you, but by the time this valentine reaches you, the explosion would be though.

_---_

_Fireworks sparkle in the sky_

_But they burn not as brightly_

_As the explosion of love in my heart_

_Love you always, _

_Deidara_

_P.S. Enjoy the book I sent you. It's on homemade bomb making. Don't call the FBI, or we'll have to relocate again. _


	24. Chapter 24

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 23: Rae **

**Disclaimer: Own nothing, I surely don't. Poem is Fire of Love by John Laset.**

**A/N: Itachi again. He's a narcissistic bastard too. **

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_Dear Itachi,  
No words could ever express how much I love you. Yeah, you killed your clan. Yeah your a bastard at times. Yeah it was kinda mean to leave Sasuke all alone like that. But i don't give a fk, cause either way, your sexy! I mean...any bad guy who can get away with being totally evil while wearing a ponytail has to be somewhat cool, right? XD  
All my love-too much to fit in this universe,   
Rae, your biggest fan EVER!  
p.s. when my friends ask what you look like, my response is 'the definetion of SEXY, yeah!!' XD_

---

_Rae, _

_Yes I am a very sexy man, if I do say so myself. Even foolish little brother cannot deny my beauty far surpasses his. Even at my strongest, I am ravishing, while little Sasuke must revert to being a freak with shiny lips. I have no need for shiny lips. My long eyelashes, my weasel lines, my gleaming raven hair…ah, but this is about you. I apologize. _

_I have sent you your very own carrier crow. He is like a carrier pigeon, or an owl, and will gladly deliver your mail for you. Don't get him wet, he'll melt. _

_Fire is love and love is fire;  
And the fire is within me,  
Burning brightly - lighting my way  
Every day.  
I know now where heaven is on earth;  
And it is in your arms, warm and soft -  
Full of the fire that burns our soul,  
Making us one, making us whole.  
Hold me beneath your wings, my angel;  
And we'll fly away together.  
Fly far away into our own secret place,  
Where you and I can share this fire.  
This fire in our hearts that will burn forever..._

_-Itachi _


	25. Chapter 25

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 25: Hikari **

**Disclaimer: Own nothing, I surely don't. Poem is 'Hold My Hand' by Cindy Hardin. **

**A/N: Deidara…yet AGAIN. **

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

_  
Dear Deidara,_

As I love art, I love you.  
An explosion, so transient and fleeting in it's hour.  
Yet, a mark will forever scar the tissue of my soul.  
But, I know that all art will fade away.

I hoped you like that...well not really...It's something that I gave a lot of thought into but...well...I hope you understand. Along with this card, there comes a package, of which mystery surrounds...

Not really, it's a sculpture I made of a heart...that should blow up if you put it anywhere near fire...due to "natural" causes. ((If you call filling a hollow clay heart with gasoline natural))

Anyways, I hope you have a good Valentine's Day Deidara-kun.

Love,

Hikari

_---_

_Itachi was sure to blow up your sculpture right away with his stupid fireball jutsu. It was a cool explosion, un! In return, I'm sending you spontaneously combustible cupcakes! _

_Hold my hand  
oh let me cry  
tears of joy  
shall never dry_

Hold my hand  
sounds I hear  
of days amiss  
without you near

Hold my hand  
ever by my side  
I live my dreams  
in you confide

Hold my hand  
don't ask why  
A bond so perfect  
twill never die

Hold my hand  
hold it very tight  
never let go  
don't take to flight

_-Deidara _


	26. Chapter 26

**Interactive Akatsuki Valentine**

**Chapter 26: Janay**

**Disclaimer: Own nothing. Itachi's haiku is my poem, bitches!**

**A/N: FREEDOM! THIS IS THE LAST VALENTINE! The Akatsuki will give each other Valentines too, so yay! But that might be late…eh…(goes and drowns self in the vat of liquid chocolate in the Akatsuki basement)**

**The line Itachi says is from Emmy-Danna (xcupidxstuntx). **

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv

Itachi sat at the card making table, eating candy from a red heart shaped box. He bit into one, and glared at it.

"Foolish little chocolate…you lack…nuts…"

Kisame, who was cutting out a heart with his Samehada, fell off of his chair in shock. Itachi ate the rest of the chocolate, then found a box of Godiva chocolate truffles, a card attached to it. He opened up the card and read it.

---

_Dear Itachi-hun,  
I may not be all fancy and poetic like all these other chicks. I'm going to be real and tell it to you straight: I love you lots and I'd love you in my bed and my world. You are like the most sexiest, intelligent, sophisticated man I've ever see. Your eyes are so beautiful, hope you don't go blind (wear some contacts). I'm your biggest fan in the whole world pretty much. I have a self made framed picture of you on my wall and I look at those gorgeous eyes everynight right before bed...so I hope you appreciate this box of Godiva chocolate truffles. Luv ya, hun. _

Love,  
Janay 

_---_

_Dear Janay, _

_Thank you so much for the truffles. I thought of you as I ate them. Chocolate shall forever tie us together. _

_Chocolate, sweet, dark_

_Melts in your mouth, not your hand _

_Heaven as a food. _

_-Itachi _


End file.
